It is hump day. Halfway through the week. Yay. This week has been the LONGEST stretch of days ever. One moment I start to daydream about being pregnant. Not so much the baby and big belly part. Just my acceptance of the phone call on Monday. And how I would share the news with others people. Then I SNAP out of it. I actually feel a tad uncomfortable writing that in my blog. I mean, did I just jinx myself? Or, will it hurt even more when that negative beta call comes in since I allowed myself to think I am pregnant for just a little while?
Then I begin to start to emotionally prepare myself for the negative phone call. I actually will start to cry sometitmes. I am on the verge of that right now, actually. I just don't know how I will be able to carry on for the rest of the day if it is a BFN.
Then there is the thought of testing ahead of time. We have discussed this and go back and forth. My gut says no, don't do it, but then my mind goes back to that phone call thing again.
Why does all this have to be so fricken hard? I just don't understand why I can't get pregnant like most everyone else.
DS has been so clingy lately too. I almost feel like that is God's way of saying "you really want another one of these? You lose it with your son, how will you be able to have a baby?" Maybe this is a way to buffer that BFN call I anticipate for Monday.
Oh Monday, get here already.
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1 comment:
I think it's not only okay and totally normal to think about hearing good news and figuring out how you will tell everyone, I think that it is good to do that. There's nothing wrong with trying to stay positive. It's something I'm constantly striving to do.
Isn't it amazing how much we question ourselves? There are times when my son is whining and I think oh my gosh, how will I handle this and a baby? But, we can both handle that and more.
If you make it without testing early I give you tons of credit :-)
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